For all the progress we’ve made talking about who is and isn’t a man, we’ve lost a sense of who men are, what makes us men, and what it means to become one.

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I stumbled onto a pretty vicious Twitter argument the other day. Like most everyone who uses these kinds of sites, I couldn’t pull myself away until I’d scrolled through about a dozen, increasingly vitriolic quips back and forth.

They were talking about gender, again.

Specifically, the point in contention was whether transgender men (females at birth who decide to live as men when they grow up) are…

Hate leads to nothing good. You don’t get your childhood back. You just poison everything and everyone around you. So forgive what you can. Lead by better example everywhere else.

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There’s this coach I work with sometimes, and he asked me to make a list of five pieces of advice I wish I’d received from a man in my life.

I decided to up the ante a little, and to challenge myself to weave them into the work I share here on Medium too.

This was the first to come to mind:

Stop hating your father and hit the gym.

I know because my diet and lifestyle nearly killed me years ago. I’ve spent my life since then getting on a healthier track — and getting flak from the woke left for hating myself enough to care.

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One sweltering July night many years ago, I was admitted to the hospital emergency ward after a severe panic attack started to come on and my blood pressure skyrocketed about half an hour after eating.

I’d had a handful of panic attacks in the preceding weeks too. …

Our phones offer great ways to track weight loss, fasting times, and workout routines. At the same time, fitness is a total lifestyle change. Not every part of it fits into the metrics of appstore freebies.

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Let’s face it: pursuing a healthier lifestyle isn’t easy. No one has time to become their own personal trainer, health coach, nutritionist, and psychotherapist. Add parenting and an actual job to the list, and at that point, why bother trying to change anything?

We have incredible inertia keeping us locked into the way things have always been. In fact, if you really think about…

I learned this week that my existence is the problem. It doesn’t matter how many antiracist books I read, how many rallies I show up to, how I vote, or anything else. White supremacy is in my DNA. I am the problem.

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When I say I want to help, you hear that I want to end my own discomfort.

Yes, I do.

My discomfort comes from you telling me that you’re being hurt, and I don’t want you to be hurt. I’m not a monster. …

The idea of being “less white” was appealing then, because it meant stepping out of a culture war that insisted on defining you by your skin color alone. Of course, the problem that remains is one of identity. Who are you if you aren’t going to be defined by your skin color?

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Years before Coca-Cola was urging its employees to “be less white,” the same pressure was being applied to progressives and leftists by other activists encouraging them to “decolonize” themselves.

To different people, decolonizing meant different things. Over the course of about six or seven years, at least a…

“Hi, Dad. I know you came here from another country, but in case you haven’t heard, you benefit from an invisible system of privilege over the people who were born here, and it’s your responsibility to change that.”

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Content warning: discussion of experiences with racist violence.

I grew up hearing stories about massacres and forced disappearances. About rape gangs and women kidnapped, sold, chucked away like garbage. Women pulled out of passersby at random and shot dead. Whole families whose houses were just one day empty and snow covered hillsides stained in red.

Everyone suspected of being able to read…

Betwixt name-dropping Ivy League schools she’s trained at and fussing about their vacation policy during her residency, psychiatrist Aruna Khilanani clarified her fantasies of “unloading a revolver” into the “demented, violent predator” she talked about in her recent lecture presented by Yale.

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Back in April, the Yale School of Medicine’s Department of Child Study Center presented a public lecture with Dr. Aruna Khilanani, a New York forensic psychiatrist and psychoanalyst.

Her lecture, titled “The Psychopathic Problem of the White Mind” was intended for “trainees in child psychiatry, psychology, and social work,” as well as “faculty, clinicians, and scientists” according to…

From BLM talking heads to countless tweets from angry activists, Americans are once again flippantly claiming the right to determine which nations have the right to exist. Maybe the war-mongers ought to stick to Airsoft instead.

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When I was a rebellious teenager, my first big cause was opposition to the newly minted “War on Terror.” For a lot of kids in my generation, the greased movement between the attacks on September 11th to the full-scale invasion of the Middle East was our first example of a propaganda campaign launching in real-time.

Overnight, American flags popped up everywhere. People kept their…

Facing our biggest challenges in life requires a strong support system we can rely on. Even the greatest heroes of myth are aided in their quests — and your big life changes are no less extraordinary.

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In my last post, I shared a thought exercise I use in coaching sessions sometimes. Imagine the major problem you’re fighting as a giant grizzly bear that’s threatening your home. Surround yourself with the guys who will help you take it down.

A lot of folks get hung up on the support part of goal achievement. They share their aspirations with their drinking buddies…

Jozua Mosley

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